Are you ready to get naked?

“We can’t avoid pain, but we can transform our response to it.” - Sharon Salzberg 

In my last blog post, I wrote about the masks we wear. Some may have been left wondering, what the hell is a mask, and what the heck does she mean she can see it?

A mask is invisible, protective armor we wear to cover up our pain.

.....to cover up our pain.....

We all have pain. And don't we know it by the amount of shootings, suicides, drug overdoses, divorces, etc. that happen every day. We are all hurting. A mask is our ego's way of protecting us from having to deal with our pain. Put on the mask and viola! the pain is gone. Or so we think. The pain never goes away until it's dealt with. 

You name it, there’s a mask for it. Here are some popular masks that I see every day.

The perfection mask.

The jealousy mask.

The “I’m fine” mask.

The people pleasing mask.

The pillar of strength mask.
The angry mask.

When I see someone trying so hard to be perfect, I see the pain inside that is telling them they aren’t enough. Whether that happened in childhood, or has manifested in adulthood from being so overwhelmed by life, doesn't matter. Perfection does not exist. It is just an illusion. Struggling to be perfect is a never ending cycle. 

When I see someone being jealous, I see the pain inside of someone who is so afraid of not being lovable. That "unloveable-ness" causes them to desperately control others, which never ends well.

When I see someone wearing the “I’m fine” mask, I see the pain of someone trying so hard keep it all together and thinking they have to do it alone. I see someone denying the pain that's there, hidden down deep.

When I see someone wearing  the people pleasing mask, I see the pain of someone unsure of who they are and who doesn’t even know where to begin knowing. I see someone so scared that even if they do find out who they are, that no one will love them.

When I see someone wearing the pillar of strength mask, I see the pain of someone so afraid to ask for help for fear that they will be seen as weak. Because being weak means you're failing.

When I see the angry mask, I see someone desperate for their unmet need to be heard, to be respected, to be valued.

I see people in pain everywhere and all these people are denying the pain they are in. It’s not to say that you should go around telling everyone about your pain. It should be saved for someone trusted, like a friend or a therapist.  The problem is that no one wants to deal with their pain. It’s too painful! Or is it?

Sometimes just being seen is all you need for the pain to begin to dissipate. I love the saying, sharing is caring because, well, it’s true! That’s why support groups work. Because you get to see that you aren’t alone, that your pain may be terrible but someone else may be experiencing something even more painful. Not only that, but sharing your greatest pain with others allows you to unload the backpack full of excess weight that you carry around. By sharing your pain you allow others to help you carry it. In other words, sharing your pain doesn’t take away the pain, but it helps lessen the load.

Why is it so damn hard to admit your pain?

Well, part of it is that we don’t want to burden anyone else with our problems. Everyone has enough of their own problems, they don’t need mine! The other part is because we all have an aversion to being helped.

Sharon Salzberg says, “We can’t avoid pain, but we can transform our response to it.” What she means is that pain is an inevitable part of the human experience but we have a choice as to how we respond to that pain. We can deny it and wear our masks all the time, or we can acknowledge the pain, be with the pain, and learn to heal from the pain.

You might be wondering, if I share my pain I’ll be fully exposed then! Naked for everyone to judge! That’s seems way too scary. I’ll keep my masks on, thank you very much.

Well, what if everyone was naked and didn’t give a rat’s ass about your nakedness? What if we all lived from a place of deep connection, of truly seeing each other and there was no pain? What if living from an authentic place allowed you to experience greater love?

So...are you ready to get naked? Take some time today to see if you can acknowledge and name your masks. That is the first step. I will post another blog soon about the steps after that. 

In the meantime, and as always, if you need help, or a listening ear, please get in touch. Also, feel free to use the contact form to send me an anonymous question and I will answer it on the blog.

As ever, and namaste. 

Kathy