Good riddance 2017!

“We lose connection with our realness when others have standards on how we should be.”  Tara Brach

I’d like to say a big F-you, sayonora, and good riddance to 2017 but my therapist says that’s not nice. She says that without all the tough lessons I had this year, I would not have grown. And...she’s right (but don’t tell her that...)

Every day I choose an Angel Card (see link) to give me a word, something to contemplate and guide me as the day goes on. Each year on New Year’s Day, I chose a theme word for the year and then I review it on the last day of the year. Last January I got "Education". To be honest, when I picked it, I was a little disappointed. I guess I thought the word was boring. I’m sure my angels were laughing at me then. They knew what they were doing, as always, because I definitely got an education this year! I got my PhD in me and let me tell you, it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

2017 was a year of transitions at home and work. It was also a year of trials and tribulations in my marriage. It was the year that I was forced to question everything.  Everything from the core of who I am, to what I want from this life, how I treat myself and allow others to treat me.

However, as my therapist pointed out, because of those challenges I’ve come out on the other side changed/different in many ways. I’m stronger than ever, in fact. More comfortable in my own power than ever before, unapologetically so. I've learned that whatever people's expectations are of me, that those expectations are their problem. I am in charge of me. I get to have the last say about what I want and don't want. It was also a year for me to learn to trust my intuition - my incredible intuition.

The biggest lesson I learned this year has been about boundaries and how not to compromise who I am in order to please others. I learned about boundaries thanks to a wonderful woman, Terri Cole, who I discovered through one of the various spiritual teachers I follow. Terri is on Facebook and I highly recommend that you check her out. She’s a social worker/therapist and ran a boundary bootcamp this year. 

I learned how to say no before I say a resentful yes. I learned how to determine who is in my VIP section. I learned how to handle boundary bullies. I learned how to respond rather than react and so much more. I thank god every day for finding Terri. She’s really been a game changer for me.

It’s crucial to know your boundaries so you can keep your authenticity intact. If you don’t know your boundaries, you allow others to have power of over you. When you give away your power you drain yourself and ultimately you’re left empty, unable to give anything else because everything you have has been taken.

As Tara Brach says, “We lose connection with our realness when others have standards on how we should be.”  You can’t live your life according to someone else’s standards, someone else’s shoulds. When you do that, you spend all of your time seeking approval from others, or worse, you hold yourself to some perfection standard that doesn’t exist causing you to always feel less than.

You can’t be the person someone else needs you to be. You have to be the someone you are. I will add that you can’t live your life according to someone else’s shortfalls either. Meaning, if you are constantly picking up the slack for someone else, you aren’t living your life, you’re living theirs and that's not authentic either.

Coming (back) home, to the truest you, can be a long, hard journey of self-discovery. You may lose people in your life. People might tell you that you’ve “changed” - to which you can reply, THANK YOU! Because change is a good thing not a bad thing. Well, unless you’re being self-destructive then change is not good. However, if the changes you’re making in your life are making you and the people closest to you happier, that’s when you’ll know you’re on the right track.

I hope you didn’t have as shitty of a year as I did. However, if you did, just know you weren’t alone. It was pretty shitty for a lot of people. 2017 has asked us to face our darkest places and despite how awful that feels in the moment it ultimately brings you peace. You have to do the hard work first though. 2018 will be better, I promise.

I’ll end with this:

Thank you 2017 for educating me on my greatness. As painful as this year was, I know now with 200% confidence who I am and what I need to do going forward to fulfill my life’s purpose. My boundaries are strong. My heart is open. I am no longer living someone elses idea of me. I am being ME. My light is burning brighter than ever and I am ready - and willing - to be the light for others in their darkest hour. 

I can’t wait to see what my word is for 2018. Happy New Year, everyone!

(PS....the theme of my novel, In Laguna, which I published in 2016, is about this very thing: overcoming being someone else’s idea of you. Check it out).