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The connections we make thread through our hearts

"The most important things in life are the connections you make with others." Tom Ford

A few years back, maybe seven or eight, I went to Wal-Mart. It was a weekday evening and I had the kids with me. I probably needed diapers or something and that’s why I was there at night. It was busy for a weeknight and I waited for a long time in line, with three kids, and even worse...holiday shoppers. It was a of couple weeks before Christmas and people were not their best selves, let’s just put it that way. By the time I got to the cashier, I was annoyed, hot, and ready to get out of there.

 “Hi.” The cashier said mechanically as she began scanning my items.

I could tell that she was tired, stressed, and had probably been beaten down by customers all day. My heart went out to her.

“Hi. How are you?” I said, as stood in front of her while she scanned my items.

The cashier stopped and looked at me in the eyes.

“You know, I’ve been here for five hours and you are the first person to ask me how I’m doing.”

I remember looking at her - as she stared at me with the most exhausted look about her - and thinking, she can’t be serious. But there was something about her eyes that made me realize that she was being completely serious. No one cared how she was doing.

I went on to make small talk, probably asked her if she’d done her own holiday shopping, and we had a nice conversation. I watched her entire day melt away in that moment. By the end she was smiling and even had a little pep in her. When my transaction was finished, we said good-bye but she came around and stopped me to address my kids.

“Your mom is pretty special. No one cared about me all day, except for her. Remember to be nice.”

As soon as we got out the door into the parking lot, my girls bombarded me with questions. Why did I talk to her? How come no one else did? Why was she so sad? Things like that.

I told them I was just being nice at first, by saying hello to her, but I realized quickly that she just needed to talk...to be seen. I went on to tell them that's why they should always be nice, because you just never know what someone else is going through. 

Asking that cashier how she was doing is just who I am. I always talk to cashiers, as much as they want to talk to me. And I always try to make people feel welcome, or actually, to be seen, wherever I am. I’ve been on the receiving end of snobby people or people who have literally turned their back on me while I was talking because another person walked by. I know what it’s like to walk in a room where you don’t know anyone and feel like everyone is staring at you. I aim to make people feel at ease.

It’s partly because I don’t want anyone to feel what I’ve felt in the past and partly because it is my innate gift. My life path, 11/2, is the path of the peacemaker. I can’t help myself to diffuse an argument or disagreement, or to help make someone feel a little better by comforting them, or lending an ear to someone who needs it. It's who I am. 

(Other life paths have their own strengths. Visit Felicia Blinders’s  YouTube channel or Facebook page for videos about each path but here’s a quick list:
  1. the leader
  2. the peacemaker
  3. the communicator
  4. the teacher
  5. the adventurer
  6. the nurturer
  7. the seeker
  8. the powerhouse
  9. the humanitarian

Another one of my gifts is my desire to connect with people. I always try to really know people, to understand what makes them tick. We can all find something in common, some thread that connects us to each other if we try. And that thread leads to our hearts. Just knowing you've connected to someone else can change your life. You suddenly realize you aren’t alone.

I’ve often said we are the most connected society of all time and yet we are the most disconnected. People are lonelier and angrier than ever. We spend so much time arguing and judging rather than empathizing and trying to understand each other. We are too caught up in being right to stop and think that someone else might be right too. 

One of my favorite spiritual teachers, Tara Brach, says that connection is that which awakens us from trance. It’s hard to live from a negative place when you have deep connections, not only to others but yourself too. Being spiritual means that you are dedicated to exploring your self, your truth, your authenticity. You must know who you are so you can make deep connections with others.

You just never know how much of an impact you will have with the connections you make. “It’s never too late to turn on the light.” - Sharon Salzberg.

Go on.....Shine your light!

As ever, and namaste.

Kathy
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