Hijacked by feelings - by Kathy Sloan

You cannot think your way out of a box made of thoughts - Krishna Das

Have you ever been by hijacked by emotion? I talking about the kind of hijacking that happens when you least expect it. You’re going along with your day, just fine, and BAM! you hear someone say something, or you read something, or you hear a song that evokes strong emotions such as grief, anger, or maybe, if you’re lucky, love.

I was going about my day a couple of weeks ago feeling pretty good. I had some stress but it was low-level stress and so I wasn’t overly anxious or sensitive. Then, in a moment of downtime, I checked Facebook. I read something that someone had written and suddenly I felt intense sadness. Intense isn’t even doing the feeling justice. It was overwhelming. The person’s innocuous post about something they were going through (that was similar to something I went through recently) brought back feelings of grief that were lying just beneath my surface.

I had dealt with my grief, as one should, by allowing it to happen. I had sat with my grief, talked about my grief, and dissected my grief. I had let my tears cleanse my soul. Or so I’d thought.

The thing about grief is that it doesn’t ever really go away. Because grief is the evidence that you have loved. Even when you think you’ve dealt with it “properly,” grief is always there waiting for that one quiet moment to resurface.

Grief reminds you that you are human. A human who feels. A human whose ego loves to trick the soul into thinking that it can rationalize our feelings and put them in a box, never to been heard from again.

I know people say time heals, but time is just an illusion. No amount of time will heal anything without some kind of action. A wound doesn’t heal with time. The body has an active - invisible - process that heals the wound. It is an active, not a passive process.  

The same is true with feelings. You can’t ignore feelings and think that time will whisk them away. Feelings need to be dealt with and sometimes they need to be dealt with over and over until the wound is fully healed.  

Feelings are nothing more than an indication of something that needs attention. Anger signifies an unmet need. Grief signifies a change that you don’t want. Fear signifies a call to action, or reflection. I happen to like grief. I think it is the greatest reminder of love that we have. And love is all that matters. Even if that love has taken new forms - as in death, for example. 

The one thing I know for sure is that you can’t think your way out of feeling. Krishna Das says, “You cannot think your way out of a box made of thoughts.” Our human egos - which I believe are in place to protect our souls - love to think they are in charge. The ego is a rational entity that uses logic. Feelings are not logical. 

The day I was hijacked was a moment for me to remember that my house guest (grief) hasn’t left. I just didn't realize how close to the surface my grief still was. It isn’t ready to leave just yet. There's still some things that need to be addressed. For me, it's forgiveness and I'll get there, I am getting there. Not everything has quick fixes.

Take some time, especially during the holiday season, to watch where and when your feelings get hijacked over the next few weeks. I’d love to hear what you experience. And, if you need help understanding your feelings, get in touch! I’d love to help you.